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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the Contact Us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. And if you want more WAIT WAIT in your week, check out the WAIT WAIT quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions all in the comfort of your home because, really, do you want to do another puzzle? Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

CYNTHIA GARDENER: Hello, this is Cynthia Gardener.

SAGAL: Hi. Where are you calling from?

GARDENER: From Marblehead, Mass.

SAGAL: Marblehead, Mass? Not only do I know Marblehead - I spent every summer of my growing up in Marblehead, in Swampscott, the town next door. What do you do there in that beautiful place?

GARDENER: Well, it's my home. But I work as a wardrobe stylist, so I don't do much of that up here. But I work in Boston and New York and Los Angeles, yes.

SAGAL: Oh, wow.

MO ROCCA: You don't want to see what we're wearing right now.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Cynthia, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase, correctly, in two the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play?

GARDENER: All righty. I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: In Kentucky, we're facing new hurdles, but this hard-shell solution feels fertile. We know you're aware they'll outrace any hare. We're replacing the horses with...

GARDENER: Turtles.

SAGAL: Yes, turtles.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Kentucky Derby was canceled this week. But don't worry because the Kentucky Turtle Derby replaced it. Sure, turtles are slower and smaller than horses. But it's still a good excuse to bet money on something while wearing ridiculous hats.

HELEN HONG: Wait. Are there jockeys riding the turtles?

SAGAL: Oh, I hope so.

ADAM BURKE: You know the unfortunate thing about that? Haven't - you know what the jockeys are? Murder hornets.

SAGAL: (Laughter) Oh, no.

HONG: Damn it (laughter).

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Since no one's permitted to roam, in-flight meals we don't get to bemoan. To encourage more whining about airline dining, they'll deliver their food to your...

GARDENER: Home.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Ural Airlines in Russia is offering delivery of the part of flying you miss the most. That is in-flight meals. They'll bring airplane food on an authentic plastic tray right to your home. To complete the experience, they will run over your foot with a cart.

HONG: Do they force you to wear it while your knees are up to your chest, scrunched up?

SAGAL: Exactly. And just for authenticity, they give you a half-filled-out crossword to put in front of you.

BURKE: Will they supply other things to complete my recreation? Like, will they deliver a crying child to my house and, like, just have some salesmen from Dubuque fart on me for eight hours? 'Cause those are also things I miss.

SAGAL: All at a price. All right, Cynthia. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Our restaurant has a low yield. All its workings are strictly concealed. It's under a plum tree way out in the country, one table set out in a...

GARDENER: Field.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A new restaurant is opening this week in Sweden that promises to follow social distancing guidelines by only seating one person at a time. So it's a great place to suggest to meet up with a date if you're not that into them. Here's how it works. Patrons are seated at a single table with one chair in the middle of a field outside the chef and owner's house. It'll never feel empty what with all the ants. And to make it seem familiar and comforting, every five minutes, they will shout - everything tasting OK? - at you with a bullhorn.

BURKE: Did anyone else - as soon as you heard a restaurant in a field, did anyone else start going, horse waiters, horse waiters? Just a stallion with a tux, like, a thing over its...

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: May I bring you more wine, or nay?

BURKE: (Laughter).

HONG: Wait. You can't even bring a friend? It just has to be you alone eating solo at the restaurant in a field?

SAGAL: You alone in a field. And they'll send you the food out on a pulley in, like, a clothesline-type arrangement with a basket. So they...

ROCCA: Are you - is this some dream that you had, Peter?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: It sounds like you're describing a fascinating dream.

SAGAL: Now that you mention it, I was naked. I don't know why.

ROCCA: I'm in a field.

BURKE: I'm pretty sure this is a restaurant that Bugs Bunny went to in a cartoon.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Cynthia do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Cynthia has style. She got them all right - 3-0, Cynthia.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Cynthia. Thank you so much for playing.

GARDENER: Thank you. And my pleasure. And come back to the North Shore any time, Peter. We'll welcome you any time.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ALL BY MYSELF")

ERIC CARMEN: (Singing) All by myself. Don't wanna be all by myself anymore. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.