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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And if you wish our show was less talking and more something you can scroll through while going to the bathroom, follow us at @waitwait on Twitter or at @waitwaitnpr on Instagram. And...

(SOUNDBITE OF DRUM ROLL)

SAGAL: ...We have big news. We are coming back to do shows with a live audience for the first time in 17 months.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: On August 5, we will be at The Mann Center in Philadelphia, then on August 26 at the Tanglewood Music Center in western Massachusetts - big outdoor venues, lots of space, no Zoom whatsoever. For tickets and more info, go to waitwait.npr.org. Please come. We have missed you. And we want to see how far you've let yourself go during the pandemic. Hi. You're on WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

EMILY SCHEXNAYDER: Hi. This is Emily Schexnayder from Chicago, Ill.

SAGAL: Hey, here in Chicago. How are you doing?

SCHEXNAYDER: Pretty good. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. I'm fine. What do you do here in our fine city?

SCHEXNAYDER: I am a gallery attendant and project assistant at a contemporary art museum called The Renaissance Society.

SAGAL: Oh, wow. OK. Has it opened up yet? Are you open to the public? Because the city is getting ready to open.

SCHEXNAYDER: We have been open. We actually have an opening coming up this Sunday, if you'd like to come and visit.

SAGAL: Oh, wow. Are you excited? Are you excited to have people come and see you and, like, wander around and cough on you and rub on things?

SCHEXNAYDER: Yeah, it's my favorite thing when people cough.

SAGAL: Yes.

SCHEXNAYDER: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Emily, welcome to our show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on just two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. You ready to play?

SCHEXNAYDER: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: On the fifth and sixth cup, I might find it appears that the light has declined. And the seventh flat white really messed with my sight. Too much coffee has made me go...

SCHEXNAYDER: Blind.

SAGAL: Blind. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A new study out of Mount Sinai Hospital finds drinking too much caffeine can cause you to go blind. So depending on your timing and your hangover, you can go straight from blind drunk to just regular blind. Now, this is bad news for people who both enjoy coffee and the visual world. But don't worry. You probably - right? - have to drink a lot of coffee for this to happen to you, right? Wait. No, it's four cups a day. Uh-oh. And, suddenly, I cannot see.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: While I'm young, before arteries harden, all my passions are verdant and ardent. I don't go to clubs but stay home tending shrubs. I'd rather go work in my...

SCHEXNAYDER: Garden.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In a new poll, 80% of adults under 24 think gardening is cool, and over half would prefer gardening to going to a club. That is so weird. You'd rather spend time outside amongst plants and flowers than making panic eyes at your friends while the drunk guy yells at you about his dad's boat? OK. It takes all kinds. This is only terrible because it means desperate bros are going to start hanging out at the gardening sections at Home Depot trying to pick up women with lines like, so you come here mulch?

ALONZO BODDEN: Is this because clubbing has become so expensive that they're just like, you know what - we'll just go gardening? I mean...

SAGAL: It might be.

CHARLA LAURISTON: I personally have never regretted a night of gardening, but I've definitely regretted a night of clubbing.

SAGAL: Yeah. It's like you don't - it's weird. You don't, like, spend a night gardening and then wake up the next morning next to a hydrangea bush and don't know how you got there.

BODDEN: Could it simply be millennials can't afford food?

(LAUGHTER)

LAURISTON: That's real, too.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: That's actually an excellent point.

BODDEN: Do-it-yourself is the only way to eat.

ROBERTS: Excellent point.

BODDEN: Generation Y is coming out of college. They're hungry. There are no jobs available. They're like, get busy (laughter).

SAGAL: Right. All right. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Since I'm wanting my love life to thrive, I won't speed what it says, 55. A romance will go far if you're calm in the car. It's real hot when you're safe while you...

SCHEXNAYDER: Drive.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The sexiest drivers are not fast and furious. They're driving the speed limit and letting that guy merge. Another new survey says over half of Americans would not date an unsafe driver. And a fifth say they have broken up with someone over their terrible driving. Another fifth of Americans only stayed together because their partner promised, I can change lanes while using a turn signal and checking my blind spots.

BODDEN: They couldn't be talking about LA.

SAGAL: No, clearly.

BODDEN: I don't know where they did this study. They did not do this study in Los Angeles because people here are still driving - I mean, we're back to driving like we're crazy. It was - the pandemic was a great break. But now LA freeways are back to what they used to be. So...

SAGAL: Right.

BODDEN: I don't know where they did the study, but I know where they didn't do the study.

SAGAL: But maybe this will be the thing because, when you think about it, you know, fast driving, "Fast And Furious" movies, all the spy movies has always been really sexy. But maybe people don't feel that anymore. So maybe the movies will change. Maybe in the next James Bond movie, it'll be like, he's getting away. But I can't turn right on red between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. You win this round, Blofeld. Bill, how did Emily do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Emily came out of the Renaissance a big winner - all three right. Keep going, Emily.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Emily. Well done.

SCHEXNAYDER: Thank you so much for having me.

SAGAL: Thanks so much for playing. Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SAFETY DANCE")

MEN WITHOUT HATS: S-A-F-E-T-Y - safety dance. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.