AYESHA RASCOE, HOST:
The musician Sevdaliza had two albums under her belt and yet wasn't feeling accomplished.
SEVDALIZA: Becoming a mother, being an artist that - you know, I wasn't making a lot of money. I was really struggling, to be honest, and I couldn't even support my family.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ALIBI")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing in non-English language).
RASCOE: Spending time in the studio making new music helped Sevdaliza, born Sevda Alizadeh, regain her footing. And now she has a new album, featuring the single "Alibi."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ALIBI")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing) Can you remember when the last time was you felt safe in the dark? This world was never meant for a woman's heart, but still you rise through it all.
I specifically aimed to make that song an anthem, and I started the demo while I had my 6-month-old baby on my lap. What I wanted to do is I wanted to celebrate feminine power, but I also wanted to save myself from the situation I was in.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ALIBI")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing) Alibi, alibi.
RASCOE: Sevdaliza's new album is called "HEROINA."
SEVDALIZA: Basically, "HEROINA," the way you spell it, it's the Spanish version of the word heroine. And I did like the wordplay that it's also derived from form of drugs because I think that the mechanics of being an artist - the neural adrenaline that rushes through your body when you're making music, the comedown after a show when you're playing in front of 30,000 people, the highs and lows, the experiences you have are very similar to if you're addicted to something.
RASCOE: You also share some of your immigration story on this album. Can you talk to me about your early life experience, like moving to Europe from Iran?
SEVDALIZA: Yeah. So I was born during the Iran-Iraq War. My earliest memories are really marked by instability and a kind of, like, an ambient fear. But when you grow up inside a crisis, you don't label it as a crisis. You just experience it as reality. And leaving Iran at 4 years old, I absorbed that disorientation of, you know, suddenly feeling foreign everywhere. It also really shaped my perception.
And I do think that the qualities that I realized as an adult were actually trauma-born traits are the ones that really help me in life. I'm, like, super observant. I'm very intuitive. I'm always, like, watching my own back. And what's really interesting to me is that my identity has become so fluid because I am a refugee and I grew up in Rotterdam, and I was exposed to so many cultures in so many countries.
RASCOE: You talked about being vigilant and kind of strength. You have this song, "I'm Strong Because You Are."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "STRONG BECAUSE YOU ARE")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing) Mama, I'm only strong because you are. Come and take...
RASCOE: How does that capture some of maybe those feelings?
SEVDALIZA: Well, "Strong Because You Are" was a song that I wrote for my mother. You know, when we came to the Netherlands, she was alone because my dad was still in prison. She really had to build up her life from scratch with a young child.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "STRONG BECAUSE YOU ARE")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing) I've been waiting my whole life for this moment I swear, mama. Find my way despite it all, I'll make it, make it, make it. Blessings are received, for all I give, the world keeps taking, my dreams, my dream, my dream, my dream.
As I became a mother, of course, I had way more privileges than she and my dad fought for, but I still had to go through similar experiences, traveling the world to create financial and career stability whilst having a young baby. It was quite difficult.
RASCOE: And when you say your father was in prison, was he in prison because of the Iran-Iraq War?
SEVDALIZA: No, he was in prison because he was basically political prisoner.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "STRONG BECAUSE YOU ARE")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing) I'm grateful for your scars, I'm strong because you are. (Vocalizing).
RASCOE: Once you got to Europe with your family to Rotterdam, you got involved in sports and you became a basketball player. Did you find any connections between, like, you know, the basketball court and pop music?
SEVDALIZA: I would say being a professional athlete in an environment that is not really inviting definitely set me up for being able to go beyond the grain and being able to deal with disappointment. Playing on the highest level is not easy. You know, some coaches like you. Some coaches dislike you. Some team members, you don't get along with. You have injuries. It's really strange, but if you've done that on a high level, it's difficult afterwards to find your boundaries because you just - you know you can mentally go over them.
RASCOE: Did you start making music after you were done with basketball?
SEVDALIZA: No, I finished my university. I did my master's, and my first job was at MTV, actually. That was my first introduction to the world of artist, and that's when I realized that I wanted to make music.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MESSIAH")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing) My messiah, free me from desire. Keeper of my demons, I'm screaming, hallelujah, hallelujah.
RASCOE: So you have strong religious imagery in your music. Talk to me about the song "Messiah."
SEVDALIZA: For me, religion is a very, very contradictive topic. I grew up in a country that oppresses women by deliberately using religion. So "Messiah" was born from a fantasy of centering the woman in religion, not shaming our sexuality.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MESSIAH")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing) My messiah, touch me until I see the face of God. My messiah, angels say my name until I come. You're the only one. You're the only one I need. You're the only one. You're the only one I need. Papi...
RASCOE: It's putting all of that together - sexuality, womanhood and putting women at the center. You have been through so much. And on this record, I know you've been talking about those struggles, but you also talk about, like, womanhood and what it means to be a woman today.
SEVDALIZA: Yeah, I would say that, you know, my entire way of making music is a reflection of that and also how I carry myself, how I make my decisions on everything. Feminine intuition, that kind of, like, womb energy - I carry that. "HEROINA" for me reflects the kind of power that was born from survival. It's not a glorified, cinematic version, but it's the quiet, persistent force you develop when life has stripped you down to your core.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ON MY OWN")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing) I don't want to do this on my own, on my own. Can I take your wings if I die young, die young? When I need you, you're an angel by my side. Teach me how to fly when I'm on my own, on my own.
RASCOE: That's Sevdaliza. Her new album is called "HEROINA." Thank you so much for joining us.
SEVDALIZA: Thank you so much for having me.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ON MY OWN")
SEVDALIZA: (Singing) My creator... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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